Day 19 of the Silent Journey

“Is this it? Is this all that there is?”

Asking for more, I was told to go deeper.

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Instead of staying on the surface, where I was familiar with the territory and felt safe, I went deeper into the mystery, and the Mystery revealed itself to me.

In the inner room I experienced God’s love. I felt deeply loved, but, still, undeserving of that love. More than anything else, the guilt I felt for the mistakes I made in the past prevented me from accepting God’s love completely. As I went deeper into the silence, all those issues that had been hurting me began to be revealed. In the beginning, I was apprehensive, and felt the urge to retreat to the surface, to the safety of the familiar territory. But I soon learned that I would be OK; God would only reveal what I was able to handle. As the wounds emerged, God guided me to simply yield, surrender, and let God do the healing. I became able to look back at my life, face all the pain and suffering I went through, and forgive others. I became able to look back at my life, face all the pain and suffering I inflicted, and forgive myself. I experienced an exhilarating feeling of liberation through total forgiveness. I pardoned and was pardoned. I was healed.

Now, I feel deeply loved, just as I am. Now, I feel that I am whole, perfect, complete. Now, in the inner room, I experience God’s unconditional love, and I accept it completely. Now — maybe for the first time in my life — I am truly able to receive God’s unlimited love, and I receive it in such large quantities that I have plenty of love to give. I am a giver of love, and I give it with conviction. I am a conduit of God’s love; it flows through me and blesses many. And the more I give, the more I receive.

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