Day 5 of the Silent Journey

I have realized that one of the businesses I was in, for the longest period of my life, was the business of trying to impress others. And I did this because I wanted to justify my own existence. I made every effort to convince myself that that my existence had meaning and that I was not wasting my time here on Earth. I kept telling myself that I was fulfilling my purpose and accomplishing something great. And my need for validation influenced the way I told my stories. I embellished them, amplifying my successes and failures, my joys and sorrows. I experienced great delight not only in hearing myself telling others how important I was, but also in seeing their reaction. I savored the compassion and sympathy that poured upon me when I told the augmented story of my suffering and showed my wounds. In my own mind, I created a grandiose character, and became over identified with it. I ended up believing in the larger-than-life stories I told about myself, and I forgot that, in great part, they came from my imagination.

I finally realized that my over identification with this self-created glorious character and its embellished stories kept me a prisoner of the past. I realized that I was over identified with the ego and its self-created myth of importance and grandeur.

Then, I noticed that I was also over identified with whom I wanted to be, do, have, and achieve. I became over identified with an image of myself and a story of how my life was going to be. This over identification kept me in the future.

I Once heard that “the ego is like a bridge that covers the present moment;” it connects the past and the future but it doesn’t allow us to touch the present. I realized that I was on that bridge.

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Today, I solemnly declare that I let go of the past and the future.

Today, I solemnly declare that I am — humbly, and at the same time, powerfully — living in the present.

Today, I solemnly declare that I abandon all need to feel important, impress others, or get their sympathy.

Today, I solemnly declare that I am doing all this without demonizing the ego, without any violence, but with patient gentleness.

Today, I solemnly declare that I am gently allowing the ego to become a servant of the Spirit.

As I diminish my over identification with the ego, and with past and projected stories, I experience freedom.  I realize that when I die, none of those things I spent so much time worrying about will matter. Death truly is the best counselor, and the final corrector.

I now believe that I came to life simply to learn how to live; and I learn how to live by learning how to die. I am ready to peacefully accept physical death when it comes, without clinging to anything, because I have died and resurrected while still alive. I live a full life because I am meekly serving others, and, in doing so, serving God.

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